I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
