At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
