No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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