Do you still have your period?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
