This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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