Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
