Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
