about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No subtext here. People are naked.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
