Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
