OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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