If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
