You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
COCAINE IS GR8
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
