I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
