She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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