alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
