We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
