i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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