i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
