There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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