i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
