dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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