Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
