I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize