I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
