yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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