I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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