Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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