Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize