he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
