I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
