he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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