Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
