shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
