90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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