I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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