my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
