I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
