do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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