So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
