What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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