So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
