I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
