There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
its liver damage thursday
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
