Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
