Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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