I got chris browned last night
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
