Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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