hotel room ftw
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
