So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
