you didnt know i had herpes?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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