the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
