i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
