I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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