I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
ttyl tear gas
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
