I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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