Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
