I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
