i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
