This is not my ceiling
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
