forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
