dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My balls are so social today.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
