I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize