drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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