my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize