my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
