If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
