How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
