just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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