k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
