OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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