Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
