3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
