It's like God shit irony all over that family
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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