We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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