First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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