What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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