Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
