I wish I only lived at night.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize