she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
