So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
