What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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