All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
