i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
