explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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