the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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