I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
