Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
two words...techno handjob
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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