tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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