I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
