Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
