and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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