the condom got lost in my hair
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
