Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
