I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize