I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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