matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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