....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
