That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
