Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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