I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
